Vikten av rutiner, kontroll och förutsägbarhet för en aspergare
Anonymous question reposted by Joanne
My parents both think that when an Aspie has a meltdown due to people constantly moving her things around and interrupting her routines, it's a sign of immaturity and she needs to grow up. Does anyone here agree with this? If so, why, and if not, why not?
Cassow: One of my toughest issues as an adult aspie is to learn how to best cope with people that either pay no attention or lack respect to my needs for consistency, predictability and routines.
I do believe that, while it is a good thing for an aspie to strive for less obsessiveness of control and predictability in life's daily events, it must also be acknowledged that that just isn't possible for some of us.
This is a tough cookie for sure!
I believe that it's a balance thing with your friends and relatives where you have to try and weight your own needs contra other people's needs in every situation.
My 73 year old grandmother regard me as a son, and she is highly dependant of me these days. I know she loves me, but at the same time she is high maintenance/tough to love, because she believes she has the right to crash into everyone elses lives and do whatever the heck she pleases to, without having to face any consequences. This sometimes makes for a clash between titants, as I am unwilling to let her influence or control my personal space in daily life to her favour. She knows about my diagnosis since two years back, and yet she understands very little of it, and seem to be either unwilling to understand, or unable (I believe her to be aspie herself actually).
So because of this I've set up boundaries. And one of those are that MY rules apply in my own home. In your own room or appartment/house you are the king, and as long as you live on your own, you are also the ONE ruler of your own castle.
Whenever my grandmother visits me she tries to exercise or gain influence in my home. This can drain me on energy to a great extent (even deplete my energy entirely). Because my grandmother is a handful, I try to pick when fight (as in argumenting) is neccessarily, or when to flee, resignate, or just plainly ignore her if possible.
I can ignore and let it pass if she decides that my dishes can't be left alone (I'll do them myself eventually), or when she feels that my toilette needs some cleaning (I do keep it clean to begin with) - but what I refuse to accept, and what also causes meldowns sometimes, is when she decides to try and redecorate or rearrange my stuff (I'm pedantic and highly organized), moves around my flowers in my windows, or when she moves around my furniture(!). End of line there!
My parents both think that when an Aspie has a meltdown due to people constantly moving her things around and interrupting her routines, it's a sign of immaturity and she needs to grow up. Does anyone here agree with this? If so, why, and if not, why not?
Cassow: One of my toughest issues as an adult aspie is to learn how to best cope with people that either pay no attention or lack respect to my needs for consistency, predictability and routines.
I do believe that, while it is a good thing for an aspie to strive for less obsessiveness of control and predictability in life's daily events, it must also be acknowledged that that just isn't possible for some of us.
This is a tough cookie for sure!
I believe that it's a balance thing with your friends and relatives where you have to try and weight your own needs contra other people's needs in every situation.
My 73 year old grandmother regard me as a son, and she is highly dependant of me these days. I know she loves me, but at the same time she is high maintenance/tough to love, because she believes she has the right to crash into everyone elses lives and do whatever the heck she pleases to, without having to face any consequences. This sometimes makes for a clash between titants, as I am unwilling to let her influence or control my personal space in daily life to her favour. She knows about my diagnosis since two years back, and yet she understands very little of it, and seem to be either unwilling to understand, or unable (I believe her to be aspie herself actually).
So because of this I've set up boundaries. And one of those are that MY rules apply in my own home. In your own room or appartment/house you are the king, and as long as you live on your own, you are also the ONE ruler of your own castle.
Whenever my grandmother visits me she tries to exercise or gain influence in my home. This can drain me on energy to a great extent (even deplete my energy entirely). Because my grandmother is a handful, I try to pick when fight (as in argumenting) is neccessarily, or when to flee, resignate, or just plainly ignore her if possible.
I can ignore and let it pass if she decides that my dishes can't be left alone (I'll do them myself eventually), or when she feels that my toilette needs some cleaning (I do keep it clean to begin with) - but what I refuse to accept, and what also causes meldowns sometimes, is when she decides to try and redecorate or rearrange my stuff (I'm pedantic and highly organized), moves around my flowers in my windows, or when she moves around my furniture(!). End of line there!
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